I am sick!! I woke up yesterday morning feeling like crud. stuffy nose, burning lungs, sore throat, the works! It's my first time being sick since having the baby. It's so hard to try to rest when have 3 kids under the age of 5, but this is my life!! In my effort to be amazing this last weekend with Easter I seriously over did it. For some reason I keep forgetting that I just had a baby and my body needs time to get back to normal.
But that is my pattern, I do too much too soon. I take care of everyone else but me. I think that is the biggest mommy guilt there is. Us moms take it upon ourselves to mother everyone but us. The kids and the husband, the pets, our friends and extended family, our church callings, everyone one is before us. Until we are literally and figuratively spent. Out of time out of money and out of energy. Every once and a while my body just poops out !! It's a struggle in my head battling between the guilt I feel for not doing what I think is enough and my knowing that I need to take care of me too. I know the old line "if mom does not take care of herself she can not do a good job taking care of everyone else" but I begged to differ, to an extent, that I could neglect myself and still get the job done taking care of what I needed to. One of the first places us mom's find extra time is in neglecting ourselves. Just like on Sunday I had allotted time to do my hair and make-up so I would look nice for Easter Sunday but instead I used that time to redo my girls hair after they messed it up for the second time. We still made it to church on time and everyone looked fantastic, except me. I am sure no one in the church noticed but I sure felt under dressed. I looked just fine but I didn't get to do what I wanted in terms of my hair and I never did get any makeup on.
Going a bit off topic, that is another thing that bugs me a bit. If I wear make-up no one notices so I think, why bother, it's expensive, takes time out of my day, and it's rough on my skin. But if I don't wear any I have people coming up to me and asking if I feel ok or telling me "you look tired. Would you like me to take the baby for a while?" Ummm no, not tired, just not wearing make-up. I guess I just look bad with out make-up on. Which is not that great for my self esteem. Cause now I feel like I NEED to wear make-up to look presentable, but I just don't want to devote the time to doing my make-up every day.
But after thinking about this situation I, and many other mothers of young children get ourselves into, I have come to this conclusion... STOP IT!!!! Just stop it or you are going to wear yourself so thin there is going to be nothing left. What is the point of running around like crazy if you are running strait into the ground? I give and give to everyone but me. I seem to just take and take from myself without thinking of the cost. I remember hearing once that if we saw someone treating there daughter the way we treat ourselves we would be shocked and appalled at the mothers behavior. That is so true!! I have resolved to do better, to try harder to take better care of myself. I need to rest, to completely heal from having a baby, to give myself a break now and again. I need to realize that a few toys on the floor and a sink full of dishes is not the end of the world. I need to be ok with not being amazing 24/7. I need to mother myself as well as I mother my own children. In short this bout of sickness has snapped me out of it and helped me to slow down. Our bodies tell us things and it's time I listen. You too, moms out there. Give yourselves a break, it's ok to have off days. it's ok to not have a perfectly clean house at all times ( I am kind of twitching a bit at the last statement... It's a process!!) It's ok!! Mommy guilt is just stupid. If our kids are safe, happy and thriving, well fed and nurtured, we can find the time to devote some energy to ourselves. Even if it's just long enough to brush our hair and put on a little make up!
I read a book once that said that guilt was only for the purpose of bringing us to repentance for things we had done wrong. So stop having guilt when you are not breaking any commandments. If there is something where you are falling short-then strive to do better, but without guilt. There is no repentance necessary for needing to do better in some area or another. Also, we can be out own worst critic! Who cares if you don't measure up to our own expectations? God is happy with any progress we make, and sometimes that means we slow down and take care of ourselfs. Thats not a bad thing. I personally think we should pay attention to our own needs too. So give yourself a break my dear, your doing just fine and its ok to watch after your own needs too! And yes, if you don't do that, you can't take care of the others in your life. You can't give water from and empty cup!
ReplyDeleteLove ya!!