"I Look To You"

Whitney Houston has a new inspirational album. One of the songs is called "I look to you". It pretty much sums up how I have been feeling during this hard patch my family has gone through. I honestly don't know what I would do if I did not have my Heavenly Father to look to for strength and support and peace. I am so grateful for my relationship with my Father in Heaven.
I thought I would share the lyrics with you. If you can go listen to the song I suggest it. Click here to listen to the song.

As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
I'm lost without a cause
After giving it my all
Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I've been through
Who on earth can I turn to
I look to you
I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you
I look to you
Yeah
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you
There's no more fighting
left Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door
And every road that I've taken
Lead to my regret
And I don't know if I'm gonna make it
Nothing to do but lift my head
I look to you
I look to you
And when all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you
I look to you
And when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song
I look to you
(my levee's have broken, my walls have come)
Coming down on me
(crumbling down on me)
All the rain is falling
(the rain is falling, defeat is calling)
Set me free
(i need you to set me free)
Take me far away from the battle
I need you Shine on me
I look to you
I look to you
After all my strength has gone
in you I can be strong
I look to you
I look to you
and when melodies are gone
In you I hear a song I look to you

Songs have such a healing quality about them. I have found comfort in music all my life. I think a good song can really help heal the hurt and sadness you have in your heart.

Happy 1st Birthday Iyla!

One year ago today, our family changed forever. We welcomed our tiny princess Iyla Rejean Gifford on August 27th, 2008 at 12:51 pm. She was 7 pounds 15 ounces, 20 inches long and beautiful. She was delivered via planned C-section at St. Peters Hospital. She was the only birth during that time so they were able to do her assessment in the recovery room so I was only away from her for about 15 mins while they finished up with the c-section. The nurse in this picture did the intake for Isabella too! We love nurse Mickey!!

She was feisty from the get go! She was not too happy to be weighed! When she gets mad she still puts her hand on the side of her face just like that!

Isabella was so excited to have a baby sister.

My sister, Brynn was about 7 month pregnant when I had Iyla. It was so fun being pregnant with her! She rushed over to meet her newest niece. She is the best auntie for my girls. We are so lucky to have her in our family!!

Family bonding time! I just love holding BOTH of my girls. We are so blessed!

When we got Iyla home we were amazed at how small she was compared to our 10 pound Isabella. Iyla was in preemie clothes for the 1st month of her life. We tried to take some pictures for the birth announcements. These are some of the best.

This past year has been so fun. Iyla is an amazing baby. I have loved EVERY moment I have had with her and I can't wait to watch her grow up. Even though she is going through a challenge with the burns on her hand, she still smiles, laughs and plays with her sister. Iyla is such a blessing to us and I have learned so much from her and I am sure I will learn much more. Happy Birthday my sweet little princess. Mommy loves you!

(mother daughter shopping trip getting supplies for her birthday party. We will have her party as soon as she is well enough to devour her cake!)

A Little Trip To The Burn Center

Today we went to the Burn Center in St. Joesph's Hospital. (Fun fact: I was born at that hospital!) The people there were as nice as can be. It was so comforting to be around people who knew their stuff. We were taken back into the room and they washed Iyla's burns and removed ALL of the dead skin. I decided I am not going to show anymore pictures until her hand looks a little normal. It was kinda gross right now. Her fingers are burned all the way around so healing is going to be a challenge. They are worried that the skin could grow back too tight and that would be really bad so we are going to really work on occupational therapy to really work on stretching the new skin when it grows back.

We did get some good news though. Iyla had NO 3rd degree burns so we don't have to worry about any skin grafting. YEAH!!!! We are so excited about that. They re-dressed her wounds and we are going back tomorrow bright and early at 7am to meet with the burn specialist and the plastic surgeon. I guess all patients meet with the plastic surgeon and he works very closely on all cases to make sure you come out looking as good as you can!

So we still don't know what kind of schedule we are going to have, Once a week, twice a week? We don't know yet. It is still really day to day for us. We still can't really plan anything but at this point we will continue to play it by ear. Wish us luck that.

As for her burns on her foot, they are second degree as well but are doing OK. The expect them to heal up fine. The burns on her elbow are already showing signs of skin regrowth! The ones on her face are going to be healing up well too. So right now our main focus is on her hand.

We have a very resilient little girl and even though she is hurting we know she is going to be just fine. But getting to just fine is going to be a long road for our little princess. She is strong and she has a BIG support system. We love her so much and feel so blessed to have such a choice spirit in our family.

Dr. Appointment...

We took Iyla to the Pediatrician on Monday to get the burns looked at and see if we needed to go to the burn center or not. Jacob had to work so Stephanie came with me to help me carry the baby around. I still can't really pick her up yet so I needed someone to help. She willingly volunteered and her husband watched Isabella. I was REALLY grateful for that since I don't want Isabella to see her sister hurt like she is.

We got to the apt early but still had to wait about an hour to see the doctor. I HATE waiting for doctors. I know, I know it's not there fault but it just bugs be when I have a baby who wants to walk around so much and I have to keep her still so she won't slip and fall on the floor because she has a bandaged foot.

When the Dr came in and saw how bad Iyla's hand is she got kinda mad that the ER Dr. did not send us to the burn unit right away. She redressed the burns and gave us prescriptions for the supplies we would need to take care of her wounds, new pain meds and a referral the the Burn Center at St. Joesph Hospital in Tacoma.

So we took the first prescription to the pharmacy at the Safeway by our house. I knew they would have the pain meds. We dropped it off and went to Kirks Medical Supply to get all of the bandages, gauze, and wrappings we would need to care for the wounds. They had everything but the ointment and the saline. They told us to go to the pharmacy in Shop-Ko and they would have what we needed. Off to Shop-Ko we went. It was great for me since I got a chance to see Jacob in his ultra cool Shop-Ko Uniform complete with pricing scanner and mobile printer!! Jacob was able to keep Iyla entertained while I handled the paperwork since we have never filled prescriptions there before. We found out that our insurance, however great it is, does not cover saline. I guess it is cheaper to make it then is to buy it. 1 quart of the stuff is $50.00!!! I kind of don't blame them. Making it at home is very easy.It is basically boiling distilled water and salt. We were able to get the ointment and then went back to Safeway to get Iyla's pain meds and finally were able to pick up Bella and go home.

Iyla's apt was for 9:45 in the morning and we going home at 12:45 in the afternoon. Weren't home 15 minutes when the Relief Society President and her daughter were here to watch the girls so I could go to my first Physical/Massage Therapy appointment. It was really nice to be able to focus on me for a little bit.

When I got home the Burn Center called and got us an appointment for 9am Tuesday morning to get things started there. They just told us to make sure she has had her meds and we'll go from there. I have no idea what to expect and I am a little concerned that we are going to be spending a lot of time in Tacoma but if it is what is needed to get Iyla better then I am going to do it. I am sure we will have more answers after the appointment.

Iyla's Burns Day 2

So last night we had to go back to the ER so the same DR could check Iyla's burns and see how they are doing. This time it was not so quick at last time. Right after we got there 8 Ambulances showed up along with a bunch of what my mom would call G.O.M.E.R.S which stands for "get out of my ER stat!" I like to call them crazies who clog up the ER. Either way it is annoying. We finally got into a room and had to of course, wait another almost hour for the DR. He said things were looking ok but only time would tell. And he thinks she is going to need physical therapy to ensure Iyla had full range of motion in her hand. The other burns he is not too concerned about and feels they won't even scar but his (and our) main concern is her hand.

This is her head. The small burn over her eyebrow blistered and popped overnight. But the Dr. thinks it won't scar. I hope he's right!

This is a really fuzzy picture of her inner elbow. It looks a lot better just one day out!



This is her left foot. We were kind of surprised the blisters did not burst yet but the Dr. is sure they will soon. It also looks WAY better. She can walk just fine. and has full range of motion in her foot.

Here is a few pictures of her hand. They did a lot of de-breeding. Which just means they pulled off a lot of dead skin, popped the new blisters that formed and let her hand drain for about 20 minutes.

This is a picture of the inside of Iyla's hand. The nurse was washing the wounds with saline after the Dr. cut away some of the dead skin. I know it looks angry but she was actually sleeping while this was going on. Although I do have to mention she is on major pain meds.

After the nurse was done she went and got an ER tech to come bandage Iyla's hand. I know he meant well but he did a HORRIBLE job. he barely put any ointment and did not even put gauze on her fingers and wrapped her burns with the outer wrap. On her foot he put two over sleeves and NO ointment. Not to mention he did not put any ointment on ANY of her other burns on her head. We were so angry and after he left we got the nurse and had her redo the whole thing.

I can't tell you how much this has changed my outlook on everything. I am so blessed for modern medicine and good insurance! Iyla has a Dr. apt tomorrow and her pediatrician will decide if she feels comfortable doing the burn care or not. We still might have to go up to the Burn unit at Harborview. That is a hospital is Seattle. they are the only level 3 trauma center in the tri state area. I guess St. Joesph Hospital in Tacoma has a burn unit as well with a pediatric unit. I think we might at last have to go for physical therapy. The ER Dr. is worried about her range of motion in her hand.

I can only hope at this point and pray that she will recover soon. We have decided to postpon her friends birthday party until she is well enough. we will have a small family party. I don't know right now. It is really hard to plan anything. Everything hangs on Iyla's apt tomorrow. I'll keep you posted.

I Spoke Too Soon!!

I really don't know where to begin exactly. Yesterday still seems like a nightmare. Iyla had her 1st trip to the ER last night.
Jacob was caring a crock pot full of hot chili from one side of the kitchen to the other to put it into leftover containers after dinner. When he started out there were no children in the kitchen. we both were in there and thought the girls were playing in the back bedroom. But we were wrong. Iyla came up all of a sudden and Jacob tripped over her and dropped the crock pot on the floor. It shattered into a million pieces and flung hot soup all over the place. Most of it landed on the baby!!
I scooped her up and stuck her into the sink and hosed her down with cold water. I stripped off all of her clothes and made sure all of the hot chili was off of her. We then noticed her hand was bleeding. She must have grabbed a broken piece of the crock pot. I opened the freezer and propped her on the ledge to keep her cold and so Jacob could bandage her fingers. We took her into the living room and poured lavender oil all over her. Jacob gave her a blessing and we were off to the ER. Within 3 mins of arriving we were in a room and they had given her morphine. It took a bit for it to kick in and they also gave her Tylenol 3. She was so tired but because of the pain she had a hard time calming down. After she did we could tell she was feeling no pain because she was clapping and trying to stick her fingers in her mouth to figure out why they looked so funny. Here are the pictures of her burns. Iyla's right elbow. The blisters got popped from her car seat on the way to the ER. These are Second degree burns.

Her head. Thankfully these were only 1st degree burns. The rest of her face is fine.

Iyla's left foot. The blister has not popped yet but it will sooner or later. The good news is she can still walk on it. It is also a second degree burn.

This is the worst part. She has major blisters on her right hand. Those are 2nd degree burns.

The Dr. decided to pop these blisters so they could look at the skin underneath to determine if she needed to go up to the burn unit or not. When they popped them the skin underneath was pink and healthy and just fine. But we will know more later today when we go back to the ER so they can change her dressings and re-assess the burns. We are very hopeful that she will recover quickly. They wrapped her up in a ton of gauze and ointment and luckily the cuts were superficial and were not even an issue. We put a regular sock over all of it when we got home so she would not pull on the bandages. We were home not 3 hours after we went into the ER. The Doctors and nurses were AMAZING!!! I am so grateful we live so close to such a great hospital. Iyla slept great last night and woke op at about 10:30 this morning. She has been playing and smiling all morning. What a trooper!!

With all of this for lack of a better word, drama, we have been going through one might be tempted to feel beat down or really depressed. I on the other had can't help but count my blessings and be SOOOOO grateful for all I have in my life. I have an amazing family and really, what else matters?

If It's Not One Thing...

So I don't want to turn this blog into a whine fest but I think I should at least tell you all what I have been going through these past 2 weeks. On Aug 7th I miscarried again and that was very hard physically and emotionally but that was as it turned out, just the beginning of a hard and painful August for this poor Gifford Family. (In explaining this I will try to use dates so it won't be too confusing)

From Aug 8th to Aug 12th I was experiencing a lot of the symptoms that go along with a miscarriage. I don't want to go into to much detail but I will say, it hurt!! I was very grateful for the pain meds the Dr gave me. Although I had to work two full shifts at work on Monday and Tuesday (Aug. 10th and 11th) I did not get any pain relief while working since I was in charge of children. Every night I went home to my bed and a big fat vicodin!

By Wednesday (Aug 12) I was feeling a little better but looking back I should have just rested. Jacob had the day off and encouraged me get out of the house and pamper myself. I jumped at the chance. I went and got my nails done. Although my pedicure had much to be desired. The lady did not even scrub my feet. And my manicure wore off by Friday. When I was getting my pedicure I decided to turn on the back messager. BIG MISTAKE!!! In doing so I unknowingly unleashed the foul beast better known as lower back pain!! And this is not just any kind of back pain mind you. This is the I can't move kind of back pain. But not knowing that was going to happen in just a few days I decided to get a hair cut.


Originally I was planning on getting a whole new look than wimped out and just got a healthy trim. 4 inches gone and now my hair is one length and still looks long but I can tell it's shorter. I think that once it grows out a bit it will look great.


Well, on with the week. On Thursday (Aug 13th) We spent most of the day at Jacob's cousin's house. I LOVE going up north to visit family and thought it would be a great distraction from the miscarriage. (I had noticed as the day were passing I was holding back more and more emotion and was starting to really have a hard time even thinking about what I knew I should be feeling. It is kind of hard to explain unless you have been there.) But When we got there and I was holding our cousins perfect, beautiful newborn baby I could only think about what I had just lost and that I was not going to be holding one of my own babies any time soon and it was hard to be happy. Don't get me wrong, I am SOOOOO happy that Jacob's cousin had a healthy delivery and was doing well but I still could not help but have those thoughts. While we were there I noticed that my back was acting up but did not give it too much thought since it did not hurt too much. After we got home I checked my e-mail and there were two, count them TWO baby shower invitations for me!!!!! It was just too much for me for one day. I kind of felt numb all over and went to bed.


The next day, (Friday Aug 14th) I woke up and immediately noticed that my back really hurt. It was really hard to get going and get the girls going for the day. I was changing Iyla's diaper and it finally hit. The tears started. I knew I could not do my kids any justice like that so I called my dear friend Rachel. She came right over and I had a nice cry on her shoulder. She helped the girls get dressed and kidnapped the lot of us for the day. My back was getting progressively worse throughout the day and by that evening I was really feeling it. I took a pain pill from the leftovers from the miscarriage to help me get some sleep.


The morning of the 15th had a lot of possibility. We were planning on going to my mom's house and picking blackberries and get some laundry done. But when I got up I knew that was not going to happen. My Back was on FIRE!! I totally could not move. Seriously I was completely incapacitated. Jacob had to practically carry me to the bathroom and back to bed again. Jacob insisted that I needed to go to t he ER but I really felt that I should stay home a little longer( good thing we did because early in the morning there was a police shooting in the ER which we did not know about until that evening). By 10:00 in the morning Jacob was getting really worried since I was in tears from the pain at this point so we called our friend Melissa and gave her the girls for the day and off we went to the ER.

We only had to wait 45 mins before we were taken to a room. A record for the local ER. Within 90 mins of arriving I was still in tears but was given an IV and the Dr. was giving me some pretty strong drugs in the IV. I don't even remember what they were but it felt awesome to finally not be in pain for that short time. The doctor poked around my back causing even more crying and thought I had a really severe kidney infection. They drew some blood and took a pee sample but the tests came back negative so the Dr. drugged me up and told me to have my regular Dr figure out what was wrong. So 5 hours after we went into the ER we went out again. They gave me some muscle relaxers and some percocit. We were home by 5:30 in the evening. An hour later I was asleep and stayed that way until 2pm the next day (Sunday Aug. 16th), Jacob said he woke me to give me my meds but I don't remember.


All this week I have had wonderful ladies from the ward coming over to help with the girls. I have been in so much pain that I could not even pick up my own baby let alone take care of my girls. So I have had help while Jacob was at work. Of course he did not have any days off this week but we managed.

I stayed on the meds until I got into see my regular Dr. On Wednesday (Aug 19th.) We finally got some answers as to what was going on with my back. I had strained my S1 joint and in doing so put pressure to a lot of nerves which was causing the pain. I was also really swollen. So swollen that my back did not curve inward at the spine but went strait across and kind of poofed out in the center. The Dr. took me off of the meds the ER Dr. put me on and is having me take anti inflammatories to get the swelling down. As the swelling is going down the pain is lessening. It still hurts but I can now sit up strait and walk around a bit. I still can't pick up the baby or help do just about anything around the house but I am off my back now for about 1/2 of the day which is great. On Monday (Aug. 24) I am starting physical and massage therapy. I am really hoping it helps get me better faster. Today I noticed I can almost feel my spine again!! I know this is going to be a long road to getting back to 100% but I know I am up for the challenge.


On Wednesday (Aug 26th) Jacob and I are meeting with an LDS Grief counselor. I am really looking forward to it and I think it is going to help us both a lot deal with the loss of our baby.


I feel so blessed to have such a great ward and so many helpers come and cook us breakfast and lunch, clean up the house and take such great care of the girls. I never really realised just how much I did around here now that I can't do it anymore.

Sorry this is so long but I feel better already sharing this with you. Thanks for all the prayers and support. Love you all!!

Our Loss

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I don't know if you know this but we have gone through this before. We miscarried before we had Isabella. That time was very hard on us. Not only were we devastated at the loss of our baby but we had only been married for a few months so we were still getting to know each other. We used the experience to become closer and since it was the first major tragedy of our marriage, it was in a way a good thing for our relationship.
Physically this one was much better then last time. I knew it was coming for about a week. We had an ultrasound on Monday and I was measuring 6 weeks and the dates put me at 11. They also could not find a heartbeat. We scheduled another u/s for next week in the hopes that the baby would have grown. We knew it either would grow over the course of the week or we were going to miscarry this week. I started spotting and knew it was happening so I called the Dr. and got an Rx for vicodin for the pain when I started full on miscarrying. I really did not want to go to the ER because last time they were backed up (no surprise) and they wanted to make sure I was really losing the baby so I did not get any medicine for 11 hours and had to miscarry with no pain relief, which is in my opinion way worse then labor. I have done both so I should know!
I did agree to go into the ER if I started to hemorrhage but other then that I wanted to stay home. Well everything came to a head so to say on Friday night. Thank goodness it was in the middle of the night so Isabella did not have to see me in pain. I woke up at 4 with severe pain and started on the meds. I was contracting every 30 seconds for about an hour and finally fell asleep on the couch at about 5:45 or so. I woke up at about 7:30 in a pool of blood but the pain was gone. I knew at the point it was over. I stayed on the vicodin for most of the day then switched to Motrin after dinner time due to the side effects of the other medicine. I am doing well and was able to get a full night sleep last night and am managing my pain very well. I suspect I will be back to normal (whatever that is) in no time. I am going to go in to the Dr. on Monday to make sure there is no infection, if the miscarriage is complete and to get a RhoGam shot (I have RH Negative blood) and to overall make sure everything is ok. I have great Drs. and Jacob is taking very good care of me.

Now emotionally I have to say I am doing much better. I think since I have gone through this before I kind of know what to expect. I am disappointed at the loss of the pregnancy but I guess I haven't made the mental leap from the positive pee test to the "wow we are having a baby" I don't know if it makes sense to you but this time around I don't feel like I lost a baby even though I did. I really feel at peace about all of this and have really been feeling so blessed to have my children and husband. I just know from these experiences I will NEVER take my family for granted. I am sure I am still a bit numb and might get a bit depressed but I think the facts that I was able to miscarry on my own and we don't have problems getting pregnant are very comforting. We will take a few months to heal physically and emotionally but I am sure we will try again someday. It was so easy for us to get Isabella after our 1st miscarriage. I did not even have a cycle in-between the miscarriage and the positive pee test. I am not going to do that again but I am not worried about that aspect of this situation.

Isabella is old enough to understand what is going on so we sat her down and told her the baby in my tummy decided it was not ready to be born yet so it went back to live with Jesus. She thought we were talking about Iyla and became a complete mess. Screaming and crying. So we took her into the room where Iyla was napping and Iyla popped her head up and Isabella looked confused so we said “oh not Bella, the baby in mommy's tummy” and she said “oh ok” stopped crying and said “I want to play with sister now.” At least I know Isabella loves her sister. But it sure made me grateful for the love we have in this family. Isabella did not leave Iyla's side the rest of the night.

So that is what has gone on around here this past week. We are doing ok. I have not really talked to anybody about what has happened. I really feel like women should talk about this more. 50% of all pregnancies end in a miscarriage. It is so common but no one ever talks about it. I would never wish this on anyone but if it has to happen I am glad I have the support and love from so many.

Thanks again for the prayers and positive thoughts. We are so grateful to have you in our lives.

A New Day Will Come

Unfortunately, we are facing the end of this newest adventure in our lives. Losses happen. It is part of the human condition. I am just grateful for my knowledge of the Gospel. Thanks you for all you support in this difficult time.The sooner this is all over the sooner we can get started on the rest of our lives. We are so blessed with two beautiful girls and our eternal family. At this time we are glad to answer any questions in person, so give us a call it you want. But don't worry we're OK.

Garden Update

Our garden this year has been kinda fun. It is not the biggest garden but we love it.

This is a picture of my basil. We love having fresh herbs to cook with. check my other blog in the next few days for idea on what to do with summer herbs! This year we decided to try Roma tomatoes at Grandma Thornock's suggestion. We are getting much more tomatoes this year then in years past. Now it they would hurry up and ripen already! It's been hot enough!!!

Here is a close up of some of our tiny tomatoes!!

Our Hydrangea is still small but it has such pretty flowers.

This is Jacob's Hosta. It is just about done blooming. We have been really enjoying it!

Our Dahlias are going strong. We are on our 2nd round of blossoms! The funny thing is we did not know what variety of Dahlia we had when we bought them. We later found out they are called Sharon Ann's. The funny part is as many of you know my mom's name is Sharon -An!! Crazy!!

Here is a close-up of our Dahlia!

Jacob is growing lemon cucumbers. They are doing AWESOME!! The plant is huge and it's all from one start!!

Look at that plant!!

My Gladiolas are doing great as well! Love them!!

You should go back and look at the blog from earlier this spring to see the progress.

Iyla Walking! *Better Video*

We finally got a chance to get a video of Iyla walking that is visable to everyone. She can walk really well but this is the first time she has walked on the grass. Too cute!!!

Concert at the Park!

We went to the Children's music in the park a few weeks ago. I have been meaning to put the pictures on here for a while so here they are.

This is by far the best picture of Iyla and Jacob. Iyla looks amazing (Jacob's not too bad either!)

Isabella flirting with the camera!

My lovely ladies. They are so cute!!

I love my little family!!!