If It's Not One Thing...

So I don't want to turn this blog into a whine fest but I think I should at least tell you all what I have been going through these past 2 weeks. On Aug 7th I miscarried again and that was very hard physically and emotionally but that was as it turned out, just the beginning of a hard and painful August for this poor Gifford Family. (In explaining this I will try to use dates so it won't be too confusing)

From Aug 8th to Aug 12th I was experiencing a lot of the symptoms that go along with a miscarriage. I don't want to go into to much detail but I will say, it hurt!! I was very grateful for the pain meds the Dr gave me. Although I had to work two full shifts at work on Monday and Tuesday (Aug. 10th and 11th) I did not get any pain relief while working since I was in charge of children. Every night I went home to my bed and a big fat vicodin!

By Wednesday (Aug 12) I was feeling a little better but looking back I should have just rested. Jacob had the day off and encouraged me get out of the house and pamper myself. I jumped at the chance. I went and got my nails done. Although my pedicure had much to be desired. The lady did not even scrub my feet. And my manicure wore off by Friday. When I was getting my pedicure I decided to turn on the back messager. BIG MISTAKE!!! In doing so I unknowingly unleashed the foul beast better known as lower back pain!! And this is not just any kind of back pain mind you. This is the I can't move kind of back pain. But not knowing that was going to happen in just a few days I decided to get a hair cut.


Originally I was planning on getting a whole new look than wimped out and just got a healthy trim. 4 inches gone and now my hair is one length and still looks long but I can tell it's shorter. I think that once it grows out a bit it will look great.


Well, on with the week. On Thursday (Aug 13th) We spent most of the day at Jacob's cousin's house. I LOVE going up north to visit family and thought it would be a great distraction from the miscarriage. (I had noticed as the day were passing I was holding back more and more emotion and was starting to really have a hard time even thinking about what I knew I should be feeling. It is kind of hard to explain unless you have been there.) But When we got there and I was holding our cousins perfect, beautiful newborn baby I could only think about what I had just lost and that I was not going to be holding one of my own babies any time soon and it was hard to be happy. Don't get me wrong, I am SOOOOO happy that Jacob's cousin had a healthy delivery and was doing well but I still could not help but have those thoughts. While we were there I noticed that my back was acting up but did not give it too much thought since it did not hurt too much. After we got home I checked my e-mail and there were two, count them TWO baby shower invitations for me!!!!! It was just too much for me for one day. I kind of felt numb all over and went to bed.


The next day, (Friday Aug 14th) I woke up and immediately noticed that my back really hurt. It was really hard to get going and get the girls going for the day. I was changing Iyla's diaper and it finally hit. The tears started. I knew I could not do my kids any justice like that so I called my dear friend Rachel. She came right over and I had a nice cry on her shoulder. She helped the girls get dressed and kidnapped the lot of us for the day. My back was getting progressively worse throughout the day and by that evening I was really feeling it. I took a pain pill from the leftovers from the miscarriage to help me get some sleep.


The morning of the 15th had a lot of possibility. We were planning on going to my mom's house and picking blackberries and get some laundry done. But when I got up I knew that was not going to happen. My Back was on FIRE!! I totally could not move. Seriously I was completely incapacitated. Jacob had to practically carry me to the bathroom and back to bed again. Jacob insisted that I needed to go to t he ER but I really felt that I should stay home a little longer( good thing we did because early in the morning there was a police shooting in the ER which we did not know about until that evening). By 10:00 in the morning Jacob was getting really worried since I was in tears from the pain at this point so we called our friend Melissa and gave her the girls for the day and off we went to the ER.

We only had to wait 45 mins before we were taken to a room. A record for the local ER. Within 90 mins of arriving I was still in tears but was given an IV and the Dr. was giving me some pretty strong drugs in the IV. I don't even remember what they were but it felt awesome to finally not be in pain for that short time. The doctor poked around my back causing even more crying and thought I had a really severe kidney infection. They drew some blood and took a pee sample but the tests came back negative so the Dr. drugged me up and told me to have my regular Dr figure out what was wrong. So 5 hours after we went into the ER we went out again. They gave me some muscle relaxers and some percocit. We were home by 5:30 in the evening. An hour later I was asleep and stayed that way until 2pm the next day (Sunday Aug. 16th), Jacob said he woke me to give me my meds but I don't remember.


All this week I have had wonderful ladies from the ward coming over to help with the girls. I have been in so much pain that I could not even pick up my own baby let alone take care of my girls. So I have had help while Jacob was at work. Of course he did not have any days off this week but we managed.

I stayed on the meds until I got into see my regular Dr. On Wednesday (Aug 19th.) We finally got some answers as to what was going on with my back. I had strained my S1 joint and in doing so put pressure to a lot of nerves which was causing the pain. I was also really swollen. So swollen that my back did not curve inward at the spine but went strait across and kind of poofed out in the center. The Dr. took me off of the meds the ER Dr. put me on and is having me take anti inflammatories to get the swelling down. As the swelling is going down the pain is lessening. It still hurts but I can now sit up strait and walk around a bit. I still can't pick up the baby or help do just about anything around the house but I am off my back now for about 1/2 of the day which is great. On Monday (Aug. 24) I am starting physical and massage therapy. I am really hoping it helps get me better faster. Today I noticed I can almost feel my spine again!! I know this is going to be a long road to getting back to 100% but I know I am up for the challenge.


On Wednesday (Aug 26th) Jacob and I are meeting with an LDS Grief counselor. I am really looking forward to it and I think it is going to help us both a lot deal with the loss of our baby.


I feel so blessed to have such a great ward and so many helpers come and cook us breakfast and lunch, clean up the house and take such great care of the girls. I never really realised just how much I did around here now that I can't do it anymore.

Sorry this is so long but I feel better already sharing this with you. Thanks for all the prayers and support. Love you all!!