Our Loss

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I don't know if you know this but we have gone through this before. We miscarried before we had Isabella. That time was very hard on us. Not only were we devastated at the loss of our baby but we had only been married for a few months so we were still getting to know each other. We used the experience to become closer and since it was the first major tragedy of our marriage, it was in a way a good thing for our relationship.
Physically this one was much better then last time. I knew it was coming for about a week. We had an ultrasound on Monday and I was measuring 6 weeks and the dates put me at 11. They also could not find a heartbeat. We scheduled another u/s for next week in the hopes that the baby would have grown. We knew it either would grow over the course of the week or we were going to miscarry this week. I started spotting and knew it was happening so I called the Dr. and got an Rx for vicodin for the pain when I started full on miscarrying. I really did not want to go to the ER because last time they were backed up (no surprise) and they wanted to make sure I was really losing the baby so I did not get any medicine for 11 hours and had to miscarry with no pain relief, which is in my opinion way worse then labor. I have done both so I should know!
I did agree to go into the ER if I started to hemorrhage but other then that I wanted to stay home. Well everything came to a head so to say on Friday night. Thank goodness it was in the middle of the night so Isabella did not have to see me in pain. I woke up at 4 with severe pain and started on the meds. I was contracting every 30 seconds for about an hour and finally fell asleep on the couch at about 5:45 or so. I woke up at about 7:30 in a pool of blood but the pain was gone. I knew at the point it was over. I stayed on the vicodin for most of the day then switched to Motrin after dinner time due to the side effects of the other medicine. I am doing well and was able to get a full night sleep last night and am managing my pain very well. I suspect I will be back to normal (whatever that is) in no time. I am going to go in to the Dr. on Monday to make sure there is no infection, if the miscarriage is complete and to get a RhoGam shot (I have RH Negative blood) and to overall make sure everything is ok. I have great Drs. and Jacob is taking very good care of me.

Now emotionally I have to say I am doing much better. I think since I have gone through this before I kind of know what to expect. I am disappointed at the loss of the pregnancy but I guess I haven't made the mental leap from the positive pee test to the "wow we are having a baby" I don't know if it makes sense to you but this time around I don't feel like I lost a baby even though I did. I really feel at peace about all of this and have really been feeling so blessed to have my children and husband. I just know from these experiences I will NEVER take my family for granted. I am sure I am still a bit numb and might get a bit depressed but I think the facts that I was able to miscarry on my own and we don't have problems getting pregnant are very comforting. We will take a few months to heal physically and emotionally but I am sure we will try again someday. It was so easy for us to get Isabella after our 1st miscarriage. I did not even have a cycle in-between the miscarriage and the positive pee test. I am not going to do that again but I am not worried about that aspect of this situation.

Isabella is old enough to understand what is going on so we sat her down and told her the baby in my tummy decided it was not ready to be born yet so it went back to live with Jesus. She thought we were talking about Iyla and became a complete mess. Screaming and crying. So we took her into the room where Iyla was napping and Iyla popped her head up and Isabella looked confused so we said “oh not Bella, the baby in mommy's tummy” and she said “oh ok” stopped crying and said “I want to play with sister now.” At least I know Isabella loves her sister. But it sure made me grateful for the love we have in this family. Isabella did not leave Iyla's side the rest of the night.

So that is what has gone on around here this past week. We are doing ok. I have not really talked to anybody about what has happened. I really feel like women should talk about this more. 50% of all pregnancies end in a miscarriage. It is so common but no one ever talks about it. I would never wish this on anyone but if it has to happen I am glad I have the support and love from so many.

Thanks again for the prayers and positive thoughts. We are so grateful to have you in our lives.